No, You Didn't Forget to Write "State" After Your National Champion

Wow. Wow. Wow. Just wow. This NCAA tournament has just left me speechless. When the brackets came out, I felt that there would be a lot of upsets, but I didn’t expect it to quite this degree. It has left people missing multiple Final 4 teams, National Runners-Up, and in 25 (25!!!!!) of our 42 entries, without a National Champion. Included in these 25 people are myself and the much opposed Cro. While most people find themselves in emotional distress trying to figure out what happened to Kansas, they can take solace in the fact that Cro took Kansas too. The Kansas loss has me questioning my purpose in life. Why do I put this much interest into sports? Why do I care? It’s completely out of my control. I don’t understand how some one can watch a game and not care about its outcome. It’s just not programmed into my brain. I care way too much about the outcome just about every stupid game I watch. Are the players upset after they lose? Probably. But in the case of pro athletes, they heal quickly because they still make mega-millions after a loss. That’s what makes the NCAA tournament so special. After heartbreaking losses, you see it on the faces on the players. Pro sports are often too expensive for me to attend in person. And if it’s reasonably priced, it’s because the team is terrible and they can’t give the tickets away. They charge me $20 to park my stupid car when a victory isn’t guaranteed. I’ve been to one Eagles game in the past 10 years. Why would I spend $100+ for a ticket and $30 in food and drinks when I may very well leave upset? Why don’t I invest my time and interest in something I know can’t possibly make me feel this way? Why don’t I just collect stamps or something? I don’t know. So many questions and no answers. I hate sports. I don’t know what’s worse; your team losing or hated team winning? What if your team is eliminated by a hated team? It’s even worse when you know people that are fans of the hated team. It makes my blood boil. Sports are not healthy for the passionate fan. It almost always ends in heartache, save the 2008 Phillies. It always ends in frustration, embarrassment (2009 Eagles), and in some cases anger. It isn’t always this way for sports fans though. Some fan bases are treated to multiple championships, or championships reasonably close to each other. The tournament is without a doubt my favorite sporting event of the year, but it has really turned its back on me this go-round.

The tournament started out with such great promise. A handful of us had gathered at Chickie’s and Pete’s in South Philly to take advantage of nice weather and all-can-eat/drink specials. The first series of games brought much excitement. An undeserving 6-seed in Notre Dame lost to the Colonial champ Old Dominion. Cro’s Final Four team from the West, BYU, was pushed to double OT by Florida. Villanova was pushed to OT by Robert Morris. Murray State took out 4-seeded Vanderbilt on a buzzer beater. You couldn’t ask for a better start. It proved to be only a small sampling of things to come.

Cro’s arch-enemy EEB took the Anyone But Cro premise to new heights this year. He contacted the commissioner to verify Cro’s picks after submitting his bracket. Once he found out that certain match ups were different, he immediately went to work. We all knew Cro would roll up in some sort of rowdy Tennessee gear since that’s his team, so the San Diego State game was an easy target. Cro shows up in a bright orange “BRUUUUCE” T-shirt and some sort of Vols toupee. EEB rolled up in a customized SDSU t-shirt to blow up Cro’s spot. Cro would getter the better of EEB in this matchup, but EEB would get his revenge a lot sooner than he could have hoped for.

The first round of games came and went, with Cro being near the top of the standings, as per usual. He was running his yap about how great of shape he is in. Same story, different year as we all know. Then the unthinkable happens. Kansas loses to Northern Iowa and all of sudden Cro is vulnerable to all competitors. If you pick the national champion correctly, you are awarded 58 points. In this instance, by picking Kansas as his national champ, Cro dropped 57 points and now has to rely exclusively on his BYU run to the Final Four as well as his Gonzaga upset of Syracuse in Buffalo on Sunday. Cro was sending text messages saying things along the line of “a BYU win has Cro in great shape”. Needless to say, this angered me.

Immediately after the Kansas loss, I ventured to Kildare’s with EEB and Yashar to cry in some beer. I was inconsolable and had to deal with it on my terms. I drove to the bar in complete silence. I didn’t want to hear any music, I just wanted to let it soak in and get it over the only way I knew how; by rooting against everyone else. If I was miserable, everyone else had to miserable too. What I saw when I came inside immediately brightened my mood. There was EEB, still embracing the ABC cause to the fullest, in his custom made K-State shirt. He knew that a K-State win here would undoubtedly make Cro a loser for the 7th consecutive year. Sure enough, K-State would pull out the win and Cro had lost a National Champ and a Final 4 team in a matter of hours. I believe EEB’s next move is to hook up with Wedding Crashers John Beckwith and Jeremy Grey in their non-profit operation “Holy Shirts and Pants”.

Earlier this afternoon, a blowout Gonzaga loss to Syracuse sealed Cro’s fate for good. People have been asking the same question a lot this year. What happens if Cro wins? There are a couple of answers of that. #1 Cro won’t ever win. #2 If Cro wins, the ABC will shutdown and all operations will cease to exist. Since Cro will not be taking any title this year, the ABC will return in 2011 for the 8th installment.

Below are the standings. Please do not be fooled by these. While I may be in second place, I lost my national champ in Kansas and my South winner, Texas A&M this weekend. I have zero chance of winning, but it won’t be reflected in the standings until the next 2 rounds of games have been played. I am a threat to no one.

Aunt Alyson 45
Matt Atallian 42
Jake Hoffman 42
Sam Woody 41
Wells Family 41
Pat Shields 41
The Dennis 41
Adam Tatz 40
Cro 40
Jenna Lawall 40
Mel Smith 39
Rachael Weissman 39
Phil Imbesi 39
BG 39
Rocco Toulon 39
Adam Cutter 38
Jay Lenzini 38
Chris Fusco 38
EEB 38
Shaun Askin 38
Uncle Kermit 38
Zak Tseytlin 38
Kenny Zuroick 37
Yahsar Toliver 37
Little Kermit 37
Paul Yerkes 37
Big Mike 36
Paul Lawruk 36
Chris Woody 36
Ryan Fontana 36
Boy Pierce 36
Tom Moffa 36
Michael J 36
Mike Smith 35
Drew Smith 35
Andrea Koontz 35
Michelle Folkerts 34
Dosh Whye 34
Nico Tennant 34
Fritz Ablao 34
Andrew Riexinger 33
Justin Romano 31

Just a reminder, if you haven’t paid me for the bracket yet, please try to do so as soon as possible. It’s very important that we get all the funds in so the winners can collect in a timely manner. I know if you have KU winning (or Villanova, hahaha Andrew) and haven’t paid yet, you’ll have little desire to pay since you’re more than likely eliminated already.

Good luck to everyone in the coming rounds. I’ll have a completed list of remaining bracketeers by the end of next weekend. Games being again on Thursday night.

Thanks for reading, Matt.

P.S. – I don’t hate sports.