Standings after the Elite 8

The weekend is officially over, and all but 4 (more on that later) of us are left wondering what happened. There were really no good games this weekend until my Kansas Jayhawks held off Stephen Curry and the Davidson Wildcats. The kid was lights out in the first half once he got going. Curry got off to a rough start, going 0 for 5 from the field but quickly got hot until the game hung in the balance. Coming down the stretch, Curry missed 6 or 7 shots in a row that would have given Davidson the edge. He did hit a 3 with 54 seconds left to cut the lead to 2, but KU proved to be too much inside for the Wildcats in the long run.

In other news, Memphis slapped Texas’s ass in Houston, much to the chagrin of D-Weeze. His bracket lived and died by Texas. As soon as Texas went down, so did he. So Dosh, I recommend putting on the original Young Jeezy CD and settle in for a marathon of America’s Next Top Model. It will take your mind of the Texas loss for the time being. Look on the bright side, you defeated Cro. In the end, that’s all anyone can ask for. You leave the ABC with your dignity in tact.

UCLA dominated Xavier from wire to wire in Phoenix. Cro was seen crying in Las Vegas during this game. We suspect it was a combination of Kevin Love dominating the Musketeers and Cro busting his elbow in an attempt to fill up an ice bucket at the Luxor hotel. After the Tennessee loss, he was unavailable for comment as he fled the East Coast in an attempt to escape the wrath of the ABC. For the 5th year in a row, he will not be crowned champ. We owe it all to Rick Pitino and the Louisville Cards. Tennessee really had no chance from the opening tip. They were down 16 before they knew what the hell hit him.

Enough rambling. Lets get down to the crux of the ABC Standings. As mentioned earlier, there are only 4 people left standing after the Elite 8. They are as follows:

Jenna Lawall
Chris Fusco
Tom Moffa
Matt Atallian

I have a few comments on the remaining contestants before the winning scenarios are revealed. First and foremost, I would like to congratulate Chris and Jenna for both selected all 4 Final Four teams correctly. I know, it doesn’t take much knowledge or balls to pencil in all 4 #1 seeds, but it is the first time in history that all 4 #1 seeds have advanced to the Final Four. I’m pretty pumped about that, since it provides some really interesting matchups.

Conversely, I am pissed that Chris and Jenna are still in contention. Every year, I look forward to ripping on Jenna when she is eliminated. Two years ago, she stooped so low as to pick teams by the color of their court. I am embarrassed to be losing to her right now, and so should all of you. Also, I think Chris and Jenna are in cahoots. My theory is they simply entered two VERY similar brackets in hopes to collect both 1st and 2nd prize from us and then split the winnings. This gets under my skin. So in that case, I hope you both loose and receive nothing. Good day SIR!

Also, Tom Tight Real Tight has advanced to the Final Four of the ABC Invitational for the first time Moffa family history. I know he must be pumped out of his mind right now. You now have bragging rights over Kenny and Fontana for the rest of the year. He deserves the bid, since he was the biggest proponent of taking down Cro Thursday night. Sure he had Louisville winning, but the first thing he mentioned was he desire to see Cro fall. Congrats to you and good luck next weekend.

Lastly, I am still alive after fighting off a 2 for 11 start from Brandon Rush tonight. It was way too close for comfort, but the Bill Self squad found a way to sneak in. I would like to assure all of you that I did not look at one of your e-mailed brackets until mine was complete. It would be unfair of me to submit my bracket after scouring all of yours for games where I may pick up points. I did it honorably, and besides, I probably won’t win anyway, so no need to worry.

Here are the scenarios in the Championship game and the ABC winner as a result:

North Carolina beats Memphis – Chris Fusco
North Carolina beats UCLA – Chris Fusco
Kansas beats Memphis – Matt Atallian
Kansas beats UCLA – Matt Atallian
Memphis beats North Carolina – Jenna Lawall
Memphis beats Kansas – Tom Moffa
UCLA beats North Carolina – Jenna Lawall
UCLA beats Kansas – Tom Moffa

And the standings following the completion of the Elite 8:

Jenna Lawall 116
Chris Fusco 112
Tom Moffa 103
Ken Zuroick 101
Matt Atallian 101
Sports Illustrated 98
BIG MIKE 96
Michelle Folkerts 96
D-Weeze 96
Brandon Gravett 94
Nico Tennant 93
Pat Shields 93
The Dennis 93
Chris Woody 88
CRO 87
Mike Smith 84
Ryan Fontana 84
EEB SON 84
Adam Tatz 83
Fritz Abalo 81
A.C Billz IV 80
Boy Pierce 75
Phil Imbesi 72
Justin Romano 72
Derek Fuhrmann 70
Amanda Short 66
King Chaz 52

On a side note, the battle between Big Mike and perennial bottom feeder Justin Romano has been settled. The edge goes to Big Mike again. Romano, I'm sorry that you have to listen to my brother talk trash for another year. I'll keep him in check for you. It'll be a long year till you have a shot to shut his yap.

Again, thank you all for making the ABC such a great success this year. It was the biggest in terms of entrants and by far the coolest with the addition of the website. Thanks for paying on time, with the exception of Fontana, Fritz, and the other two Atallian’s in the pool. I know we’ll square up soon.

And lastly, thank you to Anonymous for that amazing Cro story posted after the 2nd Round standings were unveiled. It truly was a work of art, and I have submitted it to the Library of Congress and the Pulitzer Prize Committee. It will be forever enshrined in history, and will be read in many many high school English classes in the near future. It was so deep and emotional. It truly touched every Cro Haters soul.

Keep an eye out for updated standings after the Final Four on Saturday. It will be important for you all to see if you pass Cro in the standings. A word to the wise, Cro cannot gain anymore more points, as he had Tennessee over Texas in the final. He is locked in at 87.

Standings and Officially Eliminated List after Sweet 16

The standings are listed below. Rant will ensue later this weekend. Having to be at the Stamp Center at 9 AM tomorrow morning has put a severe damper on the rant, and has prohibited me from giving it the attention it deserves. Also, if your name appears on the Eliminated list, you cannot come in first place. That is not to say you can't come in 2nd however. Unless you are the likes of King Chaz, who is absolutely removed from any contention. I will have choice words for you elimantees come Sunday.

Sports Illustrated 78
CRO 77
Jenna Lawall 76
Pat Shields 73
Nico Tennant 73
Tom Moffa 73
Chris Fusco 72
Ken Zuroick 71
Matt Atallian 71
Chris Woody 68
BIG MIKE 66
Michelle Folkerts 66
D-Weeze 66
Ryan Fontana 64
Mike Smith 64
Brandon Gravett 64
The Dennis 63
Adam Tatz 63
Fritz Abalo 61
A.C Billz IV 60
Amanda Short 56
Boy Pierce 55
EEB SON 54
Phil Imbesi 52
Justin Romano 52
Derek Fuhrmann 50
King Chaz 42

Eliminated as of March 28, 2008:
Ken Zuroick
BIG MIKE
Michelle Folkerts
Ryan Fontana
Mike Smith
The Dennis
Adam Tatz
Fritz Abalo
A.C Billz IV
Amanda Short
Boy Pierce
EEB SON
Phil Imbesi
Derek Fuhrmann
King Chaz

ABC Invitational - 2nd Round Standings

Undoubtedly one of the worst NCAA weekends in the history of NCAA weekends as far as Cro in concerned. I have to be honest here; the kid has picked them well this year. Believe me guys, it pains me to admit that. He pointed out that he hasn’t needed red marker since Friday. I was distraught when he mentioned this tidbit of information. I mean Tennessee escaped Butler and WKU and Davidson made the Sweet 16. I am already losing focus trying to write this update, that’s how upset I am.

But as I gather my thoughts and take a collective breath, we must realize one thing. As follower He-Man Cro Haters, we MUST stick together. If I had to peg Cro as one Little Rascal, he would be Alfalfa. He always seems to know what he talking about. Granted, he doesn’t spin the meanest game, but he is consistent in his ways. I mean, in no way do you want to be him because of the hardships he faces (25 people opposing him), but he handles the pressure in his own way that you have to respect. In the classic 1994 film, Alfalfa wins the Soap Box Derby by the length of his cow-lick. This is where things are different. I believe if we rally as a group, we can prevent this so called “Cro Magnon Man” from winning the title for a 5th year in a row.

Do you guys remember the DARE classes we had in grade school? One of the defenses to someone asking to you do drugs was strength in numbers. This principle could not be truer at this moment. While seeing Cro in the lead at this moment may induce use of drugs, it is important to realize that if we stick together, we will overcome.

This is a common theme through every ABC invitational. Cro is in the select few at the top after the first weekend. Everyone is upset. Then come the second weekend, his picks fall apart. We have no reason to fear. A wise man once said, “The only thing to fear is fear itself.” Cro will be stopped. I will not rest until it so.

Also, I believe it was another wise man who said “Ask not what the ABC Invitational can do for you, but what you can do for the ABC Invitational.” And if I am not mistaken, in the early 1900's, third wise man said "Speak softly, and kick Cro's ass in the ABC."

It is people like Boy Pierce, while I commend the ballsy picks, who have let down the ABC cause. He was without a doubt hit the hardest over the Saturday / Sunday periods. Poor Pierce has suffered losses of two Final Four teams in Georgetown and Marquette and now finds himself in the ranks of EEB and Fritz. It appears the better days are behind you Sir. Remember that time we beat Holy Angels in basketball and Wayne spazzed during the post game speech? Those were indeed the better days. I look forward to you being able to channel that intensity for next year, and finally be able to knock off Cro.

Speaking of EEB and Fritz, you guys have struggled from the get go. How does one pick 16 of the first 32 games wrong? You have to go against common sense to make the picks you made. After all the talkking up of Davidson you did so much last year, I could have sworn you would be on the bandwagon again this year. But for some reason, you ditched your boys at the last second, and they deservedly stabbed you in the back. Your bracket isn’t in that bad of shape yet, but it will happen in due time.

As for some other contestants, I’m left scratching my head. One name that comes to mind is Phil Imbesi. How could this happen? You packed serious heat last year, only to fall severely off pace this year. I don’t know what those clowns do out in St. Louis, but it is obvious that having the Bilikins as your only source of b-ball has had a direct effect on your picks. You need to get out of that town ASAP, or my name isn’t Jibbs featuring Jibbs. Do your chain hang low? Do it wobble to and fro? It is apparent at this juncture that your chain has lost its wobble. Sorry bout your luck.

Also, Brandon Gravett has found himself on the short end of the stick once again this year. I appreciate his effort in traveling to Newark, DE to root against Cro. We fell short in the Drake / WKU game, and I am still recovering. I really can’t rip on you too much because you bought me a Car Bomb after the San Diego win, for which I am eternally grateful.

I will leave you guys on that note. Look for a post between now and Thursday with a list of officially eliminated contestants. If you find you name on the list, it simply means you cannot take first place. You are still eligible for second or third place. Payout for this years ABC will be $200 to the winner, $50 to second place, and third place will get their $10 back.

Here are the standings following Round 2:

CRO 52
Pat Shields 48
Chris Fusco 47
BIG MIKE 46
Jenna Lawall 46
Amanda Short 46
Matt Atallian 46
Ryan Fontana 44
Nico Tennant 43
Tom Moffa 43
Sports Illustrated 43
D-Weeze 41
Ken Zuroick 41
A.C Billz IV 40
Derek Fuhrmann 40
Mike Smith 39
Brandon Gravett 39
The Dennis 38
Chris Woody 38
Adam Tatz 38
Justin Romano 37
Phil Imbesi 37
Fritz Abalo 36
Michelle Folkerts 36
Boy Pierce 35
EEB SON 34
King Chaz 32

ABC Invitational - 1st Round Standings

The scene was Grotto’s Pizza on Main Street on the campus of the University of Delaware. The place was mobbed with townies who cheer for the chalk teams. It was apparent that picking an upset was against the townie code. We had just eaten two pizzas and downed some beers. Western Kentucky was up big on Drake and I was about to flip on Cro if I heard “Hilltoppers!!” with a finger wag one more time. However, Drake made a run and the game ended up going into overtime. Long story short, Western Kentucky hit a shot with no time left on the clock to win it, and sent Grotto’s into an absolutely frenzy. I felt like I had just been shot behind the left knee as I had collapsed in a heap behind our table. Cro was overjoyed and we had to hear about how he loves the ABC. Absolute nonsense.

I have beef with Cro because he talked too much hype about how ridiculous he was going to look for the Tennessee game. He had away messages 2 weeks prior that stated “Tennessee gear is in.” He slept in a disgustingly bright orange “In Bruce We Trust” t-shirt. He woke up and told me orange was sexy. However, at the bar, he covered his VOLS t-shirt with an Abercrombie hoodie and had his Tennessee headband on for less than a half of the game. The entire time the headband was on, he was beat red. I’m assuming he was self conscious about his image. A true Bruce Pearl fan would have shown up in orange body paint and suspenders. Intense my ass. Intense was the last word that came to mind. If one word could describe Cro’s performance, it was concerned. American could have easily won the game. Tennessee will not win the championship because they can’t shoot foul shots and can’t rebound.

Lets not panic yet though Cro Haters. As you can tell from his bracket, he has USC in the Elite 8. It was incredible to see him in shambles at Matilda’s. I wish you were all there to revel in my elation. Nothing, NOTHING, is better than watching Cro lose.

A close second is watching Cutter lose. After suffering through Red Sox championships, Patriots 18-1 (hahahah) season, and the Celts going from worst to first, Cutter has fallen on hard times. He has USC in the Final Four. What an idiot! He’ll make up some excuse like “Yo, I don’t care. I don’t know anything about b-ball.” Nobody knows anything about basketball. But it is great to see Cutter suck so early. I can only hope that his misery continues. One of the best K-State wins ever.

Amanda “Pants” Short is the other person that deserves a “WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?!?!” Poor girl had Vanderbilt in the Final Four, only to see them lose to the Siena Saints. She’s lucky she’s downstate this weekend to avoid the ridicule!!

After making a phone call to the Atallian residence, Big Mike informed me that The Dennis was found in the family room in shambles after the San Diego victory. He was furious that he had lost two games in a row to overtime buzzer beaters. Picking the close one separates me the men from the boys. At least it wasn’t the Oregon Ducks that cooked your Goose this year.

I must admit, I had San Diego beating Connecticut today. I don’t want to brag, but me and The King (not you Woody) are the only ones who predicted that game correctly. I almost wanted them to lose so it would make it more difficult for WKU to advance to the Sweet 16. This is the dedication we need in this invitational. Putting your bracket in jeopardy to make things more difficult for Cro. See the quote below:

“Cro, because he has no athletic bone in his body, assumes he knows everything about sports because he watches everything.” ~ EEB. This premise makes watching NCAA game with Cro one of the most irritating things ever.

Also I would like to comment on the Fritz Ablao bracket. Not only did he not email a proper bracket, he finds himself at the bottom looking up. It won’t last long though, hes only suffered one double nidge with Drake in the Sweet 16.

I know the rant was weak this go round. I promise the intensity will be better tomorrow after my bracket goes down the tubes. I am going to end this rant with a visual:

Eric Brooking laying on his couch. Wrapped up in a yellow UD fleece blanket. Blowing air into an empty Yuengling bottle. Uttering to himself, “God, why the hell did I pick Boise State?!”

Here are the standings after Round 1:

Pat Shields 26
BIG MIKE 26
Tom Moffa 25
Chris Fusco 25
Jenna Lawall 24
CRO 24
A.C Billz IV 24
Amanda Short 24
The Dennis 24
Ryan Fontana 24
Matt Atallian 24
D-Weeze 23
Boy Pierce 23
Sports Illustrated 23
Nico Tennant 23
Michelle Folkerts 22
King Chaz 22
Justin Romano 21
Mike Smith 21
Brandon Gravett 21
Derek Fuhrmann 20
Chris Woody 20
Adam Tatz 20
Phil Imbesi 19
Ken Zuroick 19
EEB SON 18
Fritz Abalo 16

Cro Bracket - Get Your Red Pens Ready

click the image to view fullsize.

Get your red pens ready to cross out Cro's teams.
Know where you stand against him at all times.

good luck everyone (except Cro)

Point Values

1st Round - 1 point
2nd Round - 2 points
Sweet 16 - 5 points
Elite 8 - 10 points
Final Four - 15 points
National Champ - 25 points

Submitting Bracket

Hello and welcome the 5th Annual Anyone But Cro Invitational! As many of you are aware, the brackets were released yesterday at 6:00PM. You will find an official ABC Bracket on the left hand side of this page. When you click the link, it will open the Excel bracket in whatever Internet Browser you are using. To save a copy to your computer, simply go File ---> Save As. After you are statisfied with your picks, and think they are worthy of taking down Cro, please e-mail to matt.atallian@gmail.com as an attachment. The committee will send a confirmation email within 24 hours of receiving your bracket. Please note that your bracket must be submitted by noon on Thursday!!! This is when the tournament starts. No late entries please!!

Good luck to everyone. Scoring procedures will be posted tomorrow.

Cro Video "Not So Quick to Back Down"